Back to Class

The theme for BYU-I Education Week was “Where Can I Turn For Peace”.  Of course I had to go.  I really didn’t realize how spiritually dried-up I was until I got there.  I think I’ve been running on empty for quite a while.  I didn’t take my scriptures along.  I thought it would require too much work.  I had decided to just sit in the back of classes and let it wash over me.  Maybe something would sink in. 
There were so many classes and presenters.  I let Terry take the lead and decided to just go along with whatever classes he wanted to go to.  As it turns out, he wanted to know more about the atonement.  That wouldn’t have been my first choice, but then again, I wasn’t in a good spiritual place at the time.  We attended 10 or 12 classes and more than half of them focused on the atonement.  We went to “Becoming Saints Through Christ’s Atonement”, “Gifts of the Atonement”, “Partaking of the Blessings of the Atonement”, “Growing Spiritually (through the Atonement), and two sessions of “I Have Graven Thee Upon the Palms of My Hands”.  They were pretty deep classes. 
You’d think that someone who hadn’t chosen the class, someone who showed up unprepared, someone who’s plan it was to sit in the back and just hope for a little peace…might not get much out it.  But that’s not what happened.  It was peaceful.  I did just relax.  I didn’t put much mental effort into what was being said.  I didn’t look up the scriptures, make any comments, or even take notes, but I felt so much better.  It was the answer to a prayer that I hadn’t even uttered.  I was spiritually filled.  I certainly couldn’t teach anyone much about the atonement.  I couldn’t give a talk in church relating what I learned, but I came away with a very different take on teachings about the atonement.  I didn’t feel like working out my own salvation would be next to impossible.  I didn’t feel like everything I’m doing is inadequate in a “be ye perfect” sort of way.  I didn’t feel like every growing experience has to be difficult, something that requires great sacrifice, or is sad.  I didn’t feel like the great judgment needed to be wailing, gnashing of teeth, humiliating and a dreadful day for me. 
I came away from Education Week with a positive, joyous, uplifting feeling.  Every presenter seemed to repeat the same scriptures, reference the same conference talks, and bear testimony of the same happy message.  I have a very different understanding of God, my father, and Jesus Christ, my brother, and their great love for me, and for all of us.  I will do some things different, because I want to, not because I’m worried about what will happen if I don’t.  I will think differently.  I understand some teachings and scriptures in a different way.  I feel different.  I’m happier.  I’m thankful.